Marriage – a riddle and its after effects

If I am asked, why to a,”apply the term “after effects”, then my answer will be, in proper circumstances, in the caption the exact term should have been “aftermath.” In various cases, a man begins to suffer from this in a weird shape.  Let us talk on this point on priority basis. Every person, be a man or woman when reaches to the marriageable age, he/she fosters some expectations regard the criteria about the “prospective partner.” And in almost of cases, their expectations are so higher that they turn up into a disaster.

The priorities of these expectations about the prospective life partners include, he/she should be charming, good looking, highly educated and cooperative in all aspects. In true words, despite endowed with all these virtues the partner also should be submissive and of subdued disposition.  Just stop! The top priority is not disclosed yet! He/she should be a good earner and affluent one. Now, if marriages were to be solemnized exclusively based upon these criteria, then merely ten percent of the total candidates would have succeeded to attain the status of married person. And that’s too on the only one criteria of beauty. Since in every society, the proscribed parameters of beauty and handsomeness  are suited to only ten percent of population at the utmost. Otherwise,  rests are mediocre or so so or fall under the head of tailored or doctored beauty.

Secondly, not necessarily every  beautiful and handsome fellow is supposed to come up endowed with all virtues. They may be sloven, untidy by nature; less educated and uncultured as well. Not to say about their earning capacity when they lack the primary virtues. Just contrary to this, a man with ordinary facial features may be more practical, highly educated, cultured and a good earning hand. The purpose of this blog is to discuss this riddle.

When a person plans for marriage, he asks for all the positive virtues and external beauty in his partner. As far as his own and beauty and virtues are concerned, he by himself doesn’t qualify for those parameters. Now in seeking of these qualities in the “prospective life partner” his/her some prime years of age slips away. The amazing part of this story is ; he/she had been rejected by the other party on the table. Being a man, I too only can sermonize about the choice of man with certain authority. What sort of views women have got, I am not an authority over that.

Now come come to the first stage of searching of prospective life partner for a man. When his choices are not met with, he keeps on stay hard about this issue for the first four or five years. Then he realizes some of his setbacks and shortens his choice list. Leave apart some lucky fellows, others in the waiting period with choice list, ultimately reach to a frustrated condition, they begin to implore to matchmaker, ” Sir, no proper choice I own now, just you find me a bride in the name of woman!” Candidates like him, certainly experience the aftermath of the marriage before solemnizing the marriage in this way.

Now, we come to the after effects of this type of compromised marriages. Just after few months of “honeymooning period,” man begins to carp at the flaws of beauty of his wife (if perchance, she is beautiful.) Besides, he also begins to compare the knacks of his wife with wives of neighbors or acquaintances. This “comparison drive” he runs silently. This habit, in a way becomes permanent part of his “mental turmoil.’ If his wife is short in height, he grieves, ” Alas! Had my wife been a taller one in height! ” And if wife is taller in height, then he is possessed by an yearning, “Alas! My wife had been short heightened!”

If wife is less educated, then he yearns for her being highly educated. On the opposite, when wife comes to be a highly educated one, he is tormented by her logical argumentative eloquence. It frustrates him, now he regrets for not choosing a less educated woman. For he in his fancy, could live a happy life with that sort of submissive woman. Whenever, he attends any wedding function or social gathering accompanied with wife, every other couple seems to him perfect and full satisfied except himself.

He is unable to delve into the mind of other husbands present there. He is not aware, all other husbands present in the function are suffering from the same “mental turmoil” about their choice of wife. He heaves a sigh by looking at the wife of the another person in the gathering. while on the same, the husband of that woman letting out a sigh by prying at the wife of this man. Both are sailing in the same boat laden with the same problems.

The concept of marriage in a functional way is quite enigmatic. (here, I don’t apply the term “marriage institution.) No body is happy with the after effects of the marriage since it turns up into aftermath. In fact, it seems to me, even women are too entangled with the same “mental turmoil.” They use to stay with in the premise of the home shabbily dressed, without maintaining posture and facial makeup. But no sooner they step out from the house, they are properly all dressed up and heavily made up, displaying presentable looks. My this contention may not be digestible to many, but they appear so that other men could look at them. This thought process always remain alive in the “subconscious mind” of women. May this not be an outcome of the same “turmoil,” that causes a “vacuum” in the heart and of which we are discussing about men.

Marriage, in a functional way, keeps on giving high voltage shocks to man repeatedly in life. This helps him transform into a shockproof creature, so he can embrace all the hazards of life bravely. At the last, an another facet of this “mental turmoil” surfaces up, we often encounter with.  That is, increasing numbers of “extra-marital affairs.” Why, this number is growing so fast? The same reason. Expectations not being fulfilled from a marriage. A run after the mirage! By the way, for an “extra-marital affair” a woman is always needed; and in majority of this kind of cases, this woman come out to be a “married woman.” I mean spouse of some one else! Penned by — Vinay Pharasi —–