The desire to command one–s spouse (In Indian context)

An adage people often use, though in lighter mood, ” the original cause of a divorce is marriage.” Although when legal documents are prepared to submit for divorce, before the court, they are supposed to get drafted in a format, permissible with in  ambit of law books.  In law books, various grounds to obtain a divorce are defined. For example  Impotency, leprosy, incurable contagious disease, adultery, domestic violence and so on.

Apparently, all these grounds sound logic to obtain a divorce. But in number of cases, we find a different situation. There we find nothing of this as ground of petition, as described in the law book.  But despite of nothing, divorce petition are on move. This type of petitions can be categorized as that of ego-clash or difference of mind set. But in real sense, what are the causes behind? To grasp the nature of this, we need to comprehend deeply about the human psychology. In the mind of human, there exists a phenomenon deeply, called as “command” or ” desire to rule over others.”

On various moments, a person ably identifies this desire, but often it lies deep into his dormant or subconscious mind. A popular term “macho man” or “male hegemony” been coined for this psychic activity. This too resonates, as if, only male cherishes this kind of desire and not woman.  An interesting noteworthy point is, majority of men too assent to this concept. As a man, he is convinced that he has got an inborn right  to command  his woman and children. Truth is, never he gives an effort to have a keen observation about the behaviour of his family members. Despite his being patriarch of the family, his many decisions in the family matter are often opposed by his wife and children. Even after that, he tries hard to impose his decisions over them and feel relaxed to get them implemented.

If we talk only about the relationship between a husband and wife; in this case a man cherishes, his every command be followed by his woman. This sort of desire we find in every domain of male domination. Be he a daily hard laborer or an affluent person. This desire is deeply inscribed in the male’s mind. This tendency too has been helpful to coin the phrase, “male hegemony.” But there too exists another facet of this coin, which  ever been ignored by man or he is not opting to accept that.

This facet of coin is, like man his woman too cherishes a desire to rule over her man and family. The man has got a privilege, he too has got a domain out of the house in his public life. We man suppose him as an owner of a factory, where workers are under his aegis. Or he might be a man leading a community as a leader or as an officer etc. But on the same, when he is a worker or subordinate, then on reaching back home, he begins to command his family. It’s like compensating his suppressed desire.

Just now, our point of discussion is about “presupposed desire of woman to command.” Every woman as a spouse cherishes a desire, “her husband must obey her command.” It is quite another thing, in how much percentage of cases, this mission of women is accomplished and it’s debatable as well. Some how, this is her privileged domain. Here only, man by ignoring her desire lives in an illusion! She is my wife (subordinate) and is bound to obey my command.

A number of divorce petitions are being moved by affluent or well off spouses are out come of this concept of “desire to rule over the spouse” element. In some families, where spouses are sagacious, they begin to respect the sentiments of partner and living a life under compromise happily, whatever you give it the name. In cases, where “difference of opinion” is surfacing up, it’s being given the name of “ego-clash.” Why this “ego clash” is surfacing up? Simple it’s an outcome of frustration, upon ones command not being followed by another partner.  In such kind of “frustration driven” cases, there always exists a subtle imaginary line.

This imaginary line is always felt by both the partners but perceived by none under the impression of ignorance. Husband lives with a conviction, he is the bread earner of the family, hence his command should be accepted. On the same, wife has a conviction, I ably manage the house hold affairs on minimal expenditure, hence my voice too should have a weightage. This is the point, where one partner begins to feel his or her side being not heard and a strife generates and shapes into a rift. This strife is laden with the unseen desire to command. May there be some difference of degrees on both the sides.

A woman as a spouse lives with a mission or her only goal of life; to enslave her husband. To attain that goal she can apply all her means and on her being successful, she enjoys paradise on the earth. On the face of such successful woman an another kind of confidential beam ever remains rested. She becomes an inspirational paradigm for other neighboring women. She directly or indirectly motivates other women. And what is the outcome of this? The generating of strife in other families!

The poor man, who lives the life now under the full control and command of his wife, is tagged as “slave of wife or hen packed husband” by his male companions. Well! A good deal of number of divorce petitions are stimulated by this psychic desire to command. Otherwise also, today’s Indian women are fraught with information supplied by social media. She knows only about her rights but despises the duties as well. At the end, I extend the salute of a deprived, suppressed man to the Indian women. Penned by — Vinay Pharasi —–