Love, Love marriage and its repercussion …

Love is a phenomenon, everyone is supposed to experience, at least once is a life time. Often, love is felt for an opposite gender. This blog is in context to the same conception. Although, “love” may be described as an ‘affection’ in different aspects i.e. love of a mother for her child or affection between siblings etc.  A person plunged in love can reach to the state of infatuation. In this state, he is supposed to be inundated with surge of feelings, so that, he is opt to cross the ‘gulf of fire.’ In the genuine love, his heart ever remains brimmed with pious feelings of devotion and sacrifice for his/her partner.

                     The love affair of bygone days in India

Though , every such such “love affair” is supposed to end into a nuptial tie. But in Indian context, specifically in bygone days, such love affairs often doomed to die with a tragic ending. May be, the same type of tragic ending could have been noticed in other parts of the globe. Every civil society, when traverses through  a phase fraught with orthodox ethical values, such sort of tragic ending are often found there. Every conservative/ orthodox civil society observes stringent ethics. These ethics may pertain to caste system, economic disparity, inter religious dissimilarities etc. Though, now a days, no such harsh restrictions are imposed in realizing  “nuptial bond.” Now, a wave of liberal modernity prevails over, resulting into an easy going and happy ending, in shape of a “wedlock with consent.”

                                compulsive wagon of nuptial tie

But have you ever noticed that such “nuptial tie” are not always successful. Not necessarily, they all are ending into a divorce, but a “degeneration” is ostensible in harmony between such couples. Both they seem to pulling on the ” wagon of domesticity under compulsion.” Just throw a serious glance around and ponder over about such love affairs ended up into a wedlock.

Along with the pondering, recall about their pre-wedding infatuation for each other. Try to peep into their reciprocal intimacy after a lapse of six months of this ‘wedlock.’Have an imagination, you succeed in getting the CCTV recording of their day to day behavioral mode for each other. The recording may ‘shock’ you. By going through that, in a certitude, never you will plan to have a “love affair” with happy ending of “love Marriage.” Your desire to have a boy friend/girl friend will vanish at once.

                                      Phenomenon of domestic strife 

In fact, with in this lapse of six months after marriage, a strife you find evolved between the couple, there no trace of past love is traceable. This strife is often reported into 99% cases of such love marriages. As per sociological researches, 30 to 40% of such love marriage ends up into divorce, rest of others, in majority of cases going through a ‘degeneration’ in relationship.

Why this phenomenon occurs? The major reason is, when a boy and girl are in courtship, they try to display their “best element” to woo one another. During that period of courtship, they are so caring for each other. In this “love fever” they too are infested with an  insecurity complex. This insecurity complex is, lest my partner break up the relationship on being incensed! Women, often during the courtship behave in a defensive mode. They behave so meekly like a goat. On the contrary, man behaves like a macho man with a possessive instinct for his girl.

                                                   Law of Nature

Ironically, no sooner a love affair transforms into a nuptial tie, a reverse process begins to take place. First outcome is observed in psychological aspect. Both they get rid of the insecurity complex of losing each other. Secondly, now they are “husband and wife.” The trick game of displaying of “best element” to woo one another is not needed now.

Now they come to know the weaknesses or vices of each other. This is the “law of Nature” that every person is endowed with lesser virtues and more of vices.  This knowing of “vices” of the partner  had a disillusion effect on them.Prior to the nuptial tie, both they were effortting to impress the partner by hiding their flaws. Besides, the girl who was behaving meekly like a goat during courtship, now behaves like a lioness. This transformation is catastrophic.

                                               Factor of lust

Another significant factor for the disillusion is “Lust.” The attraction for opposite gender is ever governed by the element of lust. No sooner, this honeymooning period is over, the harsh reality of life is there to dash against. The couples who enter into a love marriage, often suffer from an intense degree of domestic strife. The main reason is, they have had big expectations from each other.

In the bout of infatuation, they tended to make big promises to one another. Even, “supposed to be not accomplished promises”, they vouch to one another. Further, after marriage they expect from the partner, to make them realize on the ground. Whilst the couple with ” arranged marriage” are protected from such kind of unrealistic and drastic expectations.

                                                         Womanhood

The another ” natural factor” is womanhood of the girl. She can’t be put to a blame for this. It’s intrinsic in her chromosomes. The world of a woman is basically her house and family. Family is her first priority. Generally, after marriage, her being involved in organizing the house, inadvertently she ignores her husband. To her, her house is a “show casing”, she tends to project before the rest of the world as her competency of a matron of the house. It’s a compulsion.

The big stage of this “womanhood” is “motherhood.” With the birth of the child, her major portion of heartily attachment and affection, begins to stream down for caring of child. This intrinsic phenomenon  is not in her control. The time, she devoted for love and affection for husband is now diverted and divided. Children are now “co sharer”, and man as father begins to feel neglected by his woman. This kind of ignoring is experienced by men in both type of marriages, be it love marriage or arranged marriage.

No doubt, repenting dialogues in a ‘domestic strife’ by a woman are often recited. But they are more frequent and more voluminous in love marriage as an aftermath. Generally dialogues are, “why and how I fell in the trap of this lousy cheater! Or ” I was not eager to have a friendship with you, it were you, who chased me like a dog!” All this, I am citing in a decent way, in fact, there occurs  a furious ‘dogfight’. In such fights, a man is always doomed to loose the ground. If he learns to live a life with thousand defeats before his wife, his domesticity survives, otherwise it ends up into a divorce!

                                                     Advice

At the end, you are advised, “you can’t escape in falling in love with some one. But if you are determined to be trapped in this “siren call,” kindly fix your feet on rocky ground with open eyes and harsh realities of life. Don’t tend to make the promises, you can’t fulfill in the coming future. Ever get it realize to your partner that life would run as usual as it is running at present on this day. May there be some minor changes only.” People who have been forced to swallow down the bitter experiences of aftermath of love marriage, their advice too can be helpful to you. Love in fact is not of that kind, we peruse in books. After marriage, there exists no “love story,” it obliterates. A love story in fact is one which doesn’t end up into a “nuptial tie.” Penned by — Vinay Pharasi …..